There's No Place Like Home
written by: FCOL
AwForCryinOutLoud@Yahoo.ca
Summary: The remaining members of SG-1 are given forced downtime
to deal with the loss of Daniel. Where do they go? What happens? You’ll
just have to read to find out.
Catergory: It’s a hurt/comfort/smarm piece....a few tear jerkers...with
some humour dispersed throughout.
Pairing: G/PG (minimal swearing)
Rating: G
Spoilers: Major spoilers for Meridian. A few spoilers from the first 4 seasons.
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me.....you know the rest.
Author’s Note: This is only my second attempt at writing fanfic so I
would really appreciate any input.
Well here it was already 6 months since Daniel...well since he left. I can’t believe that after all this time I still can’t bring myself to say that he’s...God when is this going to get easier? I can only imagine how hard it has been...still is on the rest of SG-1. In my line of work you have to learn to live with life and death, somehow though I just can’t seem to accept that Daniel isn’t coming back. Janet looked at the clock on her office wall. I guess I better get this over with. She grabbed the folders sitting on her desk and made the long trek towards the briefing room. She hated what she was about to do, but there was no way that she could let things continue the way they had been going all these months. SG-1 continued to be an active team at the request of the Colonel. That in itself Janet knew was Jack’s defence against dealing with what happened to Daniel. She took a deep breath as she steeled herself for the briefing with General Hammond and the remaining members of SG-1. There would be one member missing from this briefing. No she couldn’t really call Jonas a member of SG-1...he was...well to be honest he was just there. A constant reminder to everyone especially Jack, Sam and Teal’c that Daniel was gone. She opened the briefing room door to find the General and her friends...though she wondered if they would still consider her a friend after this...gathered around the briefing room table.
“Come in Doctor, please have a seat.” The General smiled at Fraiser knowing that what she was about to say would have very direct possibly dire consequences for the three remaining members of his premiere team. General Hammond couldn’t bring himself to regard Jonas as a member of SG-1. He knew that it might be unfair to the man. He after all had told his government about Dr. Jackson’s sacrifice as well as leaving behind his planet, his life to bring some of the naquadria to the SGC. Though this new element had proven to hold many possibilities for the defence against the Gou’ald he couldn’t help but feel in his heart that the price, losing Dr. Jackson still had been too high a price to pay.
“Thank you Sir.” Janet’s heart was beating faster than normal. Here she was sitting in front of her friends about to tell them that she was formally requesting they be put on stand down for an indefinite amount of time. She knew the reaction was going to be bad but there was no way she could in good conscience allow them to be an active team, not until they had come to terms with the loss of Dr. Jackson.
“Well Doc, what is it exactly that we’re here for?” Jack could feel the hair on the back of his neck standing up. He knew whatever the Doc was about to say was not something he wanted to hear.
“Colonel, Major, Teal’c after much consideration I am sorry to say that I am formally requesting that SG-1 be put on stand down until such time I am satisfied that the three of you are able to safely be an active team.”
“WHAT?!” Jack bellowed jumping from his seat.
“Sit down Colonel!” General Hammond bellowed using his best ‘I’m the General and you sure as hell better listen to me’ voice.
“Colonel I know that this isn’t what you want to hear but the fact remains that you Sam and Teal’c have not dealt with Dr. Jackson’s...ascension. You all are showing signs of exhaustion, depression, guilt and of course anger.” Janet could see the rage burning in the Colonel’s eyes and knew that this would probably ruin whatever chance there was that they had begun to build a friendship.
“You’re damn right I’m angry! You’ve no right to try and tell me how to deal with losing Daniel. SG-1 is doing I think, damn well considering. General I see no reason to ground us and I whole heartedly object to the suggestion”
“I’m sorry Janet but I agree with the Colonel we’re fine. Well we’re not fine, Daniel is gone and it hurts everyday but we’re dealing with it the best way we can and I really think that we need to keep busy, to keep working because sitting around and dwelling on the fact that Daniel may never come home will only...God...”Sam’s own words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. She tried to stifle a sob as the truth of those words finally hit her. Daniel wasn’t coming back...
“I’m sorry SG-1 but I think for the time being that I have to agree with the Doctor. You are all grounded until further notice.” I just pray that you’ll all be able to deal with this and come back. I can’t imagine losing the rest of you. The General knew that, though he really shouldn’t, he had a soft spot in his heart especially for his premiere team.
“General...” Jack pleaded knowing though it would do no good. Once the General made his mind up he usually wouldn’t backdown.
“Look Jack, I know this is hard but I really think that it’s for the best. I think that you all need some time off...to deal with the loss of Doctor Jackson. I want you all to take the time together. I know you haven’t dealt with this as a team Jack, well really as a family. I know you’ve all become very close over these last five years and I know that the best thing is for you three to spend sometime together, to mourn for Daniel as a family.” Hammond knew that it was true, that SG-1 had become a family to one another, each member not really having any close family. Jack having lost his son and in the process losing his marriage. Teal’c’s family though still alive were living in The Land of Light. Then there was Major Carter, her father now being a member of the Tok’ra. They needed this time together whether they admitted it or not.
“Sir...” Carter took a deep breath hoping that she wasn’t over stepping the Colonel but if they were being forced to do this... “if we have to do this Sir...can we do it off-world?” She quickly looked to her other two teammates. Relaxing when she saw that they understood her request.
“Off-world?” This wasn’t something the General had expected though he wasn’t opposed to the idea, as long as they could work through this the General was almost willing to give them whatever they wanted.
“Yes General, off-world. I agree with Carter Sir. If we have to do this I think we’d all feel more comfortable doing it off-world...” Jack was surprised at first by Carter’s suggestion but knew almost immediately what she was thinking.
“Indeed.” The first thing Teal’c had said throughout this whole thing but somehow it seem to summarize the whole teams feelings on the matter.
“Where exactly is it that you want to go Colonel?”
The remaining members of SG-1 looked at each and in one collective breath answered the General’s question. “Kheb”
General George Hammond sat looking at these three people in front of him. I should have known that they would want to go somewhere that they would feel close to Daniel. God please let this be the right thing to do...please let them find peace and come back whole again. “Alright SG-1 you have a go. Be ready to leave at 1300hrs. Dismissed.” The General quickly left the room hoping that before they left the briefing room Doctor Fraiser would have a chance to speak with her friends privately...if they let her.
“Colonel?” Janet hesitated, not sure what she wanted to say to the man in front of her. Not sure what she wanted to say to any of the three people in front of her.
“Doc,” Jack took a deep breath “it’s ok. I know that you’re only looking out for us. I appreciate it. We all do. I know it’s been hard. You were Daniel’s friend too. I know he wouldn’t want us to hold it against you, you trying to help us and all.” Jack smiled as he placed a hand on Janet’s shoulder. He figured that since they didn’t really know how long they’d be gone he should try to leave things between Fraiser friendly. God knew he was still a little pissed about being grounded but the more he thought about it the more he was looking forward to it. It was getting harder pretending everything was fine, business as usual, especially since he knew better. And he knew that Janet really did have their best interests at heart. She was only worried about them. He couldn’t really convince himself that she didn’t have anything to worry about.
Janet smiled back at the Colonel and whispered “Thank you,” as he squeezed her shoulder and continued out of the room. Teal’c simply bowed his head as he passed. Janet knew that simple nod conveyed the same sentiment the Colonel had voiced. Janet turned to Sam. Sam looked at her and paused for a moment not sure what to say. Finally she stepped up to Janet and hugged her. “Thank you Janet,” wanting to say more but not knowing what to say Sam pulled away and smiled. “You’re welcome, just do me a favour? Please, fix this and bring my friends back.” Sam smiled again and nodded knowing that she would try her best.
*************************
1300hrs
Chevron 6 encoded! General Hammond stood in the control room gazing at SG-1. He didn’t know when he would see them again. He only hoped that the next time he saw them that they had worked through the death of Dr. Jackson. God...death...No! Daniel isn’t dead! That’s what makes this all the more difficult. How are we, let alone the rest of SG-1 supposed to deal with Daniel being gone? There isn’t a grave to visit, there is no where to contact him that we knew of or even if he can be contacted. All George knew was that he wanted SG-1, his premiere team, his friends...his family to come home whole again.
Chevron Seven Locked!
“SG-1 you have a go. Good luck...God speed, and come home soon.” George smiled as each member of SG-1 smiled and nodded as they turned towards the waiting event horizon. He couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before he saw them again as he watched them disappear into the standing pool as one.
*************************
As SG-1 stepped onto Kheb
they all stopped and took in their surroundings.
“Lucy I’m home,” O’Neill called as
he slowly walked down the Stargate platform. “Well kids I guess
we might as well try to get to the temple before sundown and set up camp.
We might be here for awhile.”
The trio walked in mostly silence as they made their way towards the temple where Daniel had first encountered the entity known as Oma DeSala. As they made their way through the dense forest that surrounded the temple they each remembered Daniel.
God I remember how excited Daniel was at the prospect of finding Shau’ri’s son. Shifu was all that Daniel had left of Shau’ri and then after finding him he lost him again. Granted he chose to leave Shifu with Oma but that didn’t make it any easier on Daniel. I wonder if he is with Shifu now? Well, at least if he is then I know that he’ll be happy. Sam thought to herself all the while feeling the ache in her own heart from the loss of Daniel’s everyday presence.
I never thought that I would be coming back to this place. Daniel was quite literally in his glory here. I was ready to kill him. Sitting here with that monk guy, learning to make fire with his mind. Course later he found out that it was really Oma, guess he can do that stuff himself now. I’m sure that he’s happy learning how to do all that Oma is teaching him, that was when Daniel was the happiest when he was learning something new. *sigh* Colonel Jack O’Neill sighed as he pushed aside a branch. It was much harder being upset that Daniel had chose to go with Oma DeSala knowing that he was in all probability perfectly happy. All Jack ever wanted for Daniel was his happiness. Somehow though he always thought that would be with SG-1.
Teal’c walked along contemplating how the relationship SG-1 had with Daniel was the reason they were all here today, minus Daniel of course. He remembered when the Jaffa had arrived looking for the Harcesis child. They were out numbered and Daniel came out of the temple asking SG-1 and Master Bra’tac to lower their weapons. ‘Jack if you were ever going to trust me, trust me now.’ Teal’c could still here Daniel’s voice. In the end they did as he asked and Oma DeSala destroyed all the Jaffa. The trust that SG-1 had in Daniel was what saved them.
“Well kids look like we made it. Let’s set up camp, do a quick scouting of the temple and surrounding area. I really doubt any Jaffa would come back after what happened last time but better safe than sorry. Carter you set up camp, Teal’c check around the temple I’ll check inside.”
Jack entered the temple and a shiver ran through him. It’s weird it feels like...I don’t know...like Daniel is here...? “God Daniel, I miss you, we all do.” Jack whispered to the empty room. Everything was just as it had been when they first arrived on Kheb to find the HariKrisna kid...? something like that...If Daniel were here he’d correct me. Jack smiled to himself remembering the many times that Daniel corrected Jack. It was never done in a way that made Jack feel less intelligent it was like Daniel was on automatic pilot. It just came out naturally. ...Daniel are we finished looking at your rocks yet?...Artifacts Jack... Chuckling to himself Jack made his way back out to the rest of his team.
“Well Carter what’s for supper?” Carter looks up smiling at her CO. “Chicken flavoured maccaroni and cheese Sir.” Carter grinned to herself remembering a long ago conversation with Daniel This tastes like chicken. What’s wrong with it? It’s maccaroni and cheese... “Hmmm, my favorite,” Jack answered with his usual sarcasm.
As they sat and ate their MRE’s in relative silence, Jack stared at the unfamiliar stars above. He remembered that first year after Abydos, after leaving Daniel there. Jack would sit on his roof every night looking through Charlie’s telescope trying to catch a glimpse of the planet that Daniel had chosen as his new home. He knew he wouldn’t be able to see it from his roof but it somehow made him feel better thinking he was keeping an eye on the kid. Now...well now he had no where to look to keep an eye on Daniel. Jack swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in his throat. “So kids, anyone bring a pack of cards?” “Sorry Sir, must have left them in my other jacket.” “*chuckle* Hey Carter you must be hanging around me too much.” “Yes Sir,” Carter smiled.
They sat quietly each lost in their own thoughts. No one had mentioned why they were there since they came through the Stargate. No one really wanted to think about it either but it was on the mind of each member of SG-1. Daniel.
“I miss him...” Carter was the first to speak though it was barely above a whisper. “As do I...” It was one of the first things that Teal’c had said since arriving here. He had spent most of the afternoon in quiet contemplation remembering Daniel and the way things had been on SG-1 before.
“I mean I want Daniel to be happy and I know that he isn’t dead, that he’s with Oma and I’m sure he’s really happy with the whole ascension thing but DAMMIT!...” Carter’s whispering had turned into full fledged yelling as she finally let out the feelings she had been keeping buried since Daniel left. Now she couldn’t breathe as the anger subsided and the ache grew. “I want him to come home...” she whispered as both Teal’c and Jack placed a hand on either shoulder. Neither knew what to say. They both felt the same but they had grown accustomed to keeping all feelings locked away. This time though it was different...it was Daniel after all.
“I know Carter, I know.” Jack sighed as he realized that he was wrong to have spent these last six months avoiding talking to Carter about Daniel, avoiding Teal’c as well even though Jack didn’t have to worry about Teal’c trying to discuss feelings as he was even better than Jack at keeping all feelings locked away. But seeing as this was the whole reason they were back on this planet in the first place Jack figured he might as well jump in with both feet.
“You know I was never good at the whole sharing feelings thing...just ask Sara. But seeing as if I don’t then we may never get off this planet...” Jack smiled hoping that he had succeeded in at least lightening the mood a little. “*sigh* I don’t really know what we’re supposed to say...what that we miss Daniel? Duh of course we do. That we wish he was still here with us? That we feel guilty because we weren’t there to stop him from doing something that killed him? That we can’t believe he chose Oma over us?... God did I just say that?...” Jack sat beside Carter with his mouth half open still surprised by what he had admitted to. For so long he forced himself to believe that Daniel leaving was the best thing for Daniel and that he could live with that as long as Daniel was happy. He never once admitted to feeling abandoned by Daniel...now...God he felt guilty right away, he would never have wished Daniel to stay with them knowing what the radiation did. He would never want Daniel to go through that pain.
“It’s ok Sir. We feel the same way you do. I don’t think that Daniel would be upset with us that we miss him so much. I actually think he’d probably be surprised. That was one thing that startled me about Daniel, that he never truly understood how much he was loved and admired by so many people. God and no wonder...I didn’t even tell him until he was dying in the infirmary. I never told him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him, how grateful I was that he was my friend. I waited so long...why did I wait so long?”
“Daniel knew Carter. We were his friends, his family. He knew without us telling him. But you know, I have to admit that it doesn’t make it any easier. I sat there looking at him laying in that bed, wanting to tell him how much he meant to me. He saved my life so many times, he was my best friend...when no one wanted to be my friend, he drove me crazy but I wouldn’t have had him any other way. I just wanted him to know that...”
“He knew Sir, you were right, he knew we, loved him Sir...Jack.”
“Indeed O’Neill, I believe DanielJackson knew that he meant very much to us. Visiting DanielJackson in the infirmary was one of the hardest things that I have done. I told him that I believed the Tau’ri were losing one of it’s greatest warriors, and that I...was losing one of my greatest friends.” Teal’c bowed his head as he tried to control the emotions that were coming to the surface from discussing something that still was so painful. Carter slipped her arm in Jack’s and took Teal’c’s hand in hers. They sat like that for the rest of the night until Jack decided they had better try to get some sleep. They had made some progress but Jack knew they still had some work to do before they could finally say goodbye to Daniel.
Above the temple a brightly coloured cloud settled as if gazing upon the group of friends sitting comforting each other. As the being listened it’s brightness began to fade as if in response to the sadness emanating from the lonely trio below. A warm breeze blew across the faces of SG-1 as if the wind itself was wiping away unshed tears.
*************************
“You know Danny, I really did...do admire you. After everything that you went through in your all too short life you never once let it make you bitter. You took each new disappointment, each new hurt and you grew as a person. Something I don’t think that I could ever do. I never hurt so much as when Charlie died...well you remember...you saw me at my worst that first mission to Abydos. God Danny I never thanked you, really thanked you for saving my life...and my soul. I still miss Charlie everyday but you made me realize that living was the best way to keep Charlie alive. I guess now...now I’m supposed to try to do that again, but Danny...God, it’s so hard...*sigh* especially since you aren’t here to help me through this time around.” Jack sat in the circle where he had watched Daniel and the monk the first time they were here. He somehow felt closer to Daniel here sitting in the same place where Daniel had glimpsed what would eventually be his life, his new life...without SG-1. Jack shivered as he felt a gust of wind caress his face. “Daniel...?” Jack whispered as he opened his eyes to an empty room. Come on O’Neill pull it together. Daniel isn’t coming back...ever. Jack rose to his feet and left in search of his friends having had way too much time, in his opinion, to dwell on the ache that was caused by his missing archeologist.
Daniel stood behind a pillar watching Jack leave the temple. He cast one more longing look towards where his family was as he returned to Oma, wishing that he could just go home, but that was impossible. Isn’t it? The room was empty once more.
Jack found Teal’c and Carter standing together in the garden. He walked up and stood beside them not needing them to speak nor they needing him to. All three could feel Daniel around them though they didn’t know if it was because he was or because they wanted so badly for him to be, but they enjoyed the presence of him nonetheless.
As they sat around the fire eating the ever flavourful, chicken flavoured that is, MREs they tried to continue the conversation from the previous night.
“You know it’s funny, I’ve felt Daniel’s presence here ever since we came to the temple.” Carter quietly spoke.
“As have I.”
“Yeah, that’s funny. I was in the temple before and I could have swore Daniel was in the room with me.”
They all looked at each other and then, trying to be subtle, looked over their shoulders as if they half expected to see Daniel standing behind them.
“Well kids I’ve had enough of the willies for tonight, what say we turn in early?” Jack rose walking to his tent not wishing to wait to explain to Teal’c the meaning of willies. That was your job Danny.
Jack’s dreams were anything but peaceful, full of nightmare images of Daniel. Jack was standing face to face with the end of a staff weapon and then Daniel dove in front of it falling lifelessly to the floor, a gaping hole where his chest once was. His nightmare went from bad memory to bad memory, of all the instances where Jack thought he had lost Daniel. Bubbling water, Daniel consumed in fire, screaming for Jack to help him. Jack and Carter placing a wreath in the event horizon saying goodbye to Daniel... “NO!...DANIEL!” Jack screamed tossing and turning, sweat streaming down his face. Wake up Jack!. Come on. It’s only a nightmare Jack, you’re fine, you’re going to be just fine. Jack’s eyes shot open “Daniel?” looking around Jack shook his head Come on O’Neill, you’re losing it...but...I could have sworn I heard Daniel telling me it was just a nightmare...just like he used to before, before...
“Sir?”
“O’Neill, are you well?”
“Yeah guys,” Jack stepped out of his tent to the worried faces of his friends. “I’m fine, really, I’m fine. Just a nightmare.” Jack walked to the coffee pot needing to somehow connect with Daniel again. We always used to sit by the fire and have some coffee after he woke me from a nightmare...or I woke him from one...we were quite the pair. Once again, and not for the last time O’Neill whispered “I miss you Dannyboy.”
************************
Somewhere close by......
“Oma? Can I ask you a question?” Daniel asks carefully, not yet sure how to ask what he so desperately wants to know.
“Ask what you will.” Oma smiled. This one is different...special. I have been waiting for this question for a long time now. Perhaps...no we shall see...
“Is it...I’m not really sure how to say this. You know the time I’ve been here with you has been amazing, there is so much knowledge here, you have taught me so much. I can never thank you for all you done for me. You saved me from death, you showed me that there was more for me out there, out here, that it was time to seek a new path.”
“Yes Daniel, go on. I know what it is you wish to know, but you must first ask yourself.”
“Myself? I don’t understand.”
“You will,” Oma smiled as she disappeared. Daniel was not quite ready to ask the question he desired to ask, nor was he read to hear the answer.
I wonder what that meant? Daniel watched the place where Oma had once, floated. He was at a loss as to what she meant by asking himself. Ask himself what? All Daniel knew was that he wanted to go home...if it was possible? Could that be what she had meant? Can I go home? or did she mean I have to ask...Do I really WANT to go home? Daniel sighed as he returned to the temple looking for his friends.
*********************
“You know, all these months I have been trying to pretend that everything was ok, that Daniel wasn’t dead, he was in a better place and that it was my duty to keep going as if I was fine. Now, I don’t know. I’m not so sure that I am fine. I keep thinking about that time on Oannes when we thought Daniel had died, I just...maybe retiring isn’t such a bad idea.” Jack sat looking out at the mountains behind the temple with Carter and Teal’c by his side. Since arriving on Kheb they had hardly been apart from one another, gathering comfort in their close proximity to one another.
“Sometimes, to be honest, I’ve thought about leaving the program as well. I mean I love my job and all the discoveries we made...that we make everyday. Yhat was part of the reason that Daniel and I got along so well, we both loved the new discoveries, the feeling we got from being some of the people who actually got to make those discoveries. Sitting here though...knowing Daniel is gone and that he isn’t coming back... I guess I just can’t imagine ever getting as excited about those things now that I don’t have Daniel to share the excitement with. Besides, I don’t think I could handle losing someone so close to me again.” Carter wiped away the tears forming, still trying to keep up the military appearance even though she knew she didn’t have to.
“I too have considered returning to the land of light to live the rest of my days with my son and wife. However, I believe that continuing to fight the Gou’ald, to free my people as well as all the other people enslaved by them is the best way to remember DanielJackson. It is all I can do now to repay everything that he has done for me, and to in some small way make restitution for what I have done to him. I failed to bring back Shau’ri as I had promised. I in fact killed her making any possibility to have her returned to DanielJackson impossible. Now I fight no longer only to free my people but I fight for DanielJackson.”
“Teal’c you know that Daniel forgave you for choosing Shau’ri to become a host, as well as for killing her. She’s at peace now, Daniel knew that. But in a way you’re right...I guess, for a while, I had forgotten why I was even in the SGC, now though I know that retiring would be the easy way out. Daniel showed me how important it is to fight for everyone who can’t fight for themselves.”
Daniel stood hidden from his friends, listening to their words. Wishing that he could just go to them, hug each of them...yes even Teal’c and tell them that he loves them, and that he doesn’t want them hurting anymore because of him. Daniel had no real concept of time anymore, time being relative and all in this...state of whatever you would call this. All he knew was that he had, for far too long, forgotten about his friends. He was caught up in all the fascinating things that Oma was showing him, teaching him. He had almost forgotten that he had left his friends....his family. Now he wanted nothing more than to return to them. He had stood there in that ‘dream’ telling Jack that he thought he could do more good this way, that this was his new path....his destiny. God how could I have been so wrong? I gave up to fast, I didn’t have enough time to really weigh all my options. God only knows how he wasn’t ready to die and that he didn’t want to live if living meant not being able to be apart of SG-1. Was it worth it though, learning all these amazing things, getting these amazing abilities if it meant he could no longer be with Jack, Sam and Teal’c? Was that what Oma wanted me to ask? If I could give up what I know now to be able to go back to what I was? If I were to leave would that mean I would go back to dying from the radiation poisoning? Would I forget having even been here? Daniel decided that he needed to find Oma and get some answers...before it was too late.
***********************
The remaining members of SG-1 had finally begun to come to terms with losing Daniel. It didn’t make it hurt any less but they knew that they couldn’t change things, that he was safe now, happy now...even if they were still hurting. They supposed that they would be able to head back to the SGC and be able to go on, but...something was holding them back. They didn’t know what or why but they decided to stayed for a little longer and enjoy as best they could, their forced downtime.
“So kids, what say we see if there is a lake anywhere round here? Get in a little fishing? Not that your chicken flavoured MRE’s aren’t great Carter, but...”
“*chuckle* that’s ok Sir, I whole heartedly agree. What can we use for fishing poles?” Sam laughed again as she saw the utter disbelieve in her CO’s face as she so easily agreed to going fishing when for the last 5 years she had always found an excuse not to. Life’s too short Carter, don’t take for granted the relationships you’ve got with the Colonel and Teal’c...not like you did with Daniel. Sam silently berated herself for not spending more time with Daniel, for not saying more often ‘to hell with this naquada reactor let’s go out for supper Daniel’ or ‘let’s all get together for a BBQ or a movie night or...God, let’s all just get together.'
***************************
“Oma? Are you here?” Daniel searched for Oma everywhere he thought she might be and he hadn’t found her. He was beginning to think that she was trying to avoid him, but why would she do that? Come on Daniel, wake up she’s avoiding you so that you’ll be forced to figure this out alone. Daniel sighed loudly, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t answer whether he could go home or not without knowing what the consequences would be. Could he really just give this all up? The knowledge? Of course he could, that was the easy part. He had always preferred to work for answers. He loved being an archeologist. He loved working on translations and discovering for the first time what something meant, what something said, what something was. Here....well here all the answers just seemed to already be there. Sure at first it was amazing but in the end, course he’d never tell anyone but he was almost, sort of, bored. God he was SO bored! Knowing everything can be pretty dull when there is nothing left to learn. So yes he could give up the knowledge in a heart beat. The hard part was could he give up this life if doing so meant he would be returned to a body that was pretty much dead, or even worse to a body that limited him to the point of him not being able to be a part of SG-1 again. No, he didn’t think that he could. SG-1 was his life, they were his family. On the other hand though, going back to a body that was only partially healed, he could still be with the SGC, he’d still see Jack, Sam and Teal’c everyday, well every day that they weren’t off-world. *sigh* I wish Oma would show up to help me. I don’t know if I can make this decision alone. I wish I could talk to Jack and Sam and Teal’c...wait a minute, why can’t I?
*****************
SG-1 had found their lake and were happily catching what they assumed were fish. They had fashioned poles out of some saplings and had used the fishing line that Jack just ‘happened’ to have.
As they chatted back and forth teasing each other and for the first time since losing Daniel, enjoying each others company Jack saw a bright glowing light make its way towards the bank of the lake. Without even realizing it the three members of the SGC's premiere team had moved closer to each other until they were all standing shoulder to shoulder. All three pairs of eyes were on the light as it floated towards land. Each not speaking a word but all excited and scared to believe that this might be the friend they had all so missed. They were all visibly disappointed when the glowing light disappeared leaving Oma DeSala.
“Hello,” Jack spoke conveying in the tone of his voice so many questions.
“Hello, Colonel O’Neill, Major Carter, Teal’c. I have been waiting for this moment to speak with you for quite some time, but I needed to wait until you were ready.”
“Uh...ready for what exactly?”
“All will be known shortly Colonel. I see you’ve yet to learn patience.” Oma smiled at the man in front of her knowing that he would perhaps be the most likely candidate to help Daniel.
“How’s Daniel?” Carter had no time for patience. Here standing in front of them was the only ‘person’ that could tell them where Daniel was, how he was, if he was truly happy with her...without them.
“It is of Daniel that I wish to speak with you.”
“Why? Is he ok? He isn’t hurt is he? Where is he? Can we see him? Can we talk to him?”
“So many questions Colonel and yet the only thing you need to know at the moment is that Daniel is fine, his body is fine that is, his heart...his soul is what I am here to talk to you about.”
Jack, Sam and Teal’c looked at each other and as one, walked out of the water and back to the temple with Oma in front of them. They couldn’t believe that they had almost decided to go back to the SGC, they would have missed Oma and... Daniel? Was he here too?
Oma and SG-1 spoke at length about Daniel and what was happening. Turns out that for a while now Oma had noticed Daniel’s initial exuberance at the opportunity he was given had worn off. He now spent most of his time thinking about SG-1, missing them. He wanted to come back home! The three friends were ecstatic. They couldn’t believe it! Danny wanted to come home. Oma also spoke to them at some length on the consequences of Daniel ‘descending’. He would remember having ascended but would not remember what he learned, he would no longer have any of the abilities he had now. He would...and this was the most important thing, come to them for help in deciding but Oma was adamant that the decision was Daniel’s and Daniel’s alone. SG-1 could not help him make this choice. Jack could hardly believe his ears. Daniel was expected to make this decision on his own without being told any of the consequences. As far as Daniel knew he would return knowing nothing about having ascended and return to a body that wasn’t quite healed and probably never would be. How could Oma expect them to not tell Daniel that he would be fine, that he could come home and come back to SG-1. God why would he choose to come home if he thought he wouldn't be physically fine? Jack was, to put it mildly, pissed, royally. Here they were finding out that Daniel could come home and come home completely healed but they weren’t allowed to tell him that. They were supposed to let him believe he wouldn’t be fine and therefore they were expected to let Daniel, or rather, make Daniel stay here with Oma. Well screw that. I have no intention of letting Daniel stay here when I know he wants to come home with us. When I know he CAN come home with us.
“Jack, I know what you are thinking and if you will not abide by my rules then I will simply send you back through the Stargate. You will not interfere with Daniel’s choice.” Oma stood face to face with Jack. He knew as soon as she spoke that she meant business, that she could send him away without seeing Danny in a heartbeat.
“Fine. But I don’t like it, and if Daniel ends up choosing to stay here because you didn’t tell him and wouldn’t let us tell him that he could come home, so help me I’ll...”
“Jack, Daniel’s destiny will bring him wherever he is meant to go. If that is back to earth with you then that is what will happen. You cannot change Daniel’s destiny, as I cannot change it. Trust in Daniel as you once did and all will be as it is meant to be.”
With that Oma vanished before their eyes and left them to their thoughts. They did not discuss their conversation with Oma. They began to get ready for supper. Teal’c put a pot of coffee on and they all sat around the fire each wondering when they would see Daniel. As they finished their chicken flavoured tuna casserole they each poured a cup of coffee, even Teal’c who normally did not drink coffee. Tonight they all wanted to feel closer to Daniel, and coffee was about as close to Daniel as you could get without the real Daniel being there with you. They smiled as they remembered the many caffeine induced lectures. Daniel was like the energizer bunny when he had a few cups of coffee. It was probably one of the things that they remembered most about Daniel. Every time they smelled coffee each teammate would remember their missing member and smile.
“Hey. Anymore of that left?” Daniel asked shyly as he walked out from behind the cover of darkness.
“ForCryinOutLoud Daniel are you trying to turn every last hair grey?!” Jack looked up at his friend with a smirk as he stood.
“I think you’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself Jack.” Daniel slid so easily back into the sparing it almost felt like he had never been gone.
The trio all stood and in one fell swoop engulfed Daniel in the warmest and longest group hug the team had ever had, in fact it was the first group hug that Daniel could remember. Even Teal’c was in on it. Daniel had never felt so happy in his life. As they stood there each allowing many long buried emotions surface they smiled and held on even tighter.
They all sat down by the fire and Teal’c poured Daniel a cup of coffee. “Oh God, it’s been too long...mmmmm.” Jack laughed and shook his head. Daniel had an almost sexual relationship with his two favourite foods, coffee and...speaking of which...Jack noisily opened what he took from his pocket making sure he caught Daniel’s attention.
“Uh...Jack? Whatcha got?” Daniel asked innocently knowing full well what it was Jack had just opened. Daniel knew that if Jack wasn’t going to share he was pretty much desperate enough to tackle him for it.
“What?...oh, this?” Jack tried to string Daniel along but as he looked into Daniel’s eyes his resolve not only melted, but he realized that Daniel looked like a starving wolf ready to pounce. He grinned knowingly as he handed the chocolate to Daniel. “Oh thank you Jack. I can’t believe how good this is...oh god!” Daniel sounded as if he was in the throws of an orgasm as he savoured both the coffee and the chocolate.
They all talked long into the night and well into the next day. Catching up on everything that had happened since Daniel ascended. Daniel sharing some of the exciting things he had learned while being among Oma and the others. No one mentioned that they had spoken with Oma and Daniel had yet to mention his desire to return home. For now they were contented to be in the presence of each other. And for once they allowed their emotions to not only surface but to mingle in their conversation.
“God we’ve missed you Danny boy.”
“I’ve missed you guys too.”
“It is indeed good to see you DanielJackson.”
“Thanks Teal’c.”
Sam just grabbed Daniel’s hand not trusting her voice to work at this moment in time. Daniel looked at her and knew right away. He gave her hand a squeeze but did not let go.
Oma looked on from above the
temple. She was indeed quite happy to see Daniel so animated and so peaceful.
He had been restless and haunted for far too long. She only hoped that Daniel
would be able to make this choice.
Finally they could stay awake no more. Sam and Teal’c hesitated to leave
Daniel but Teal’c needed privacy to perform Kel’no’reem
and Sam knew that Jack needed a little while alone with Daniel. Jack was tired
as well and figured Danny might as well stay in his tent seeing as that had
always been the arrangement before, when they were on missions. Besides he
wanted to talk to Daniel and he figured Daniel needed to talk too.
“So...how goes the glow worm gig, working out for ya?” Jack figured there was no need beating around the bush. Besides he wanted to get this all sorted out fast and get Danny back through the gate before Oma decided she wasn’t willing to let him go.
“*chuckle* God I’ve missed you Jack.” Daniel had missed Jack’s sense of humour, his no BS take on life. He just wasn’t sure how to answer the question. *sigh* Guess I might as well follow Jack’s jump in first ask questions later attitude. “You know to be honest Jack, it’s not all I thought it would be.” There he’d said it. Now Jack could help him fix it, just like he always did.
Jack sat waiting for Daniel
to continue. It was killing him not being able to help Daniel with this but
he had told Oma he would do it her way....he just hoped he didn’t regret
it.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about you guys lately. I...I
actually was pretty excited when I first ‘ascended’ and well....I
didn’t really think that much about what and who I left behind...”
Daniel ducked his head in shame.
“Dammit Daniel, don’t apologize because you were excited about what was happening. And you have nothing to be sorry about as far as not thinking about us right away. We all just wanted you to be happy Daniel. That’s the only thing that mattered, no matter how hard it was to let you go we knew we couldn’t stand in your way. It was your choice. Besides, it’s not important anymore cause here we are and here you are and that’s all that matters right now.”
“Thank you Jack, but after a while the thrill kind of wore off and all I could think about was the SGC and you and Sam and Teal’c. How much I missed you guys, how much I wished I could go home, how much I want to go home.”
Jack wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say, what he was allowed to say, but he knew Daniel and if Jack started acting out of character he would know something was up right away.
“Really? Can you come home, if you want to?” Jack looked hopefully at Daniel, praying Daniel would say 'Yes' and that they could pack up that minute and go home.
“ I don’t know Jack. I mean, I know that I can come home but I don’t know what the consequences of doing that would be. I don’t know if I will forget everything that I have learned while here. I don’t know if I will be returned fine or partially healed since I asked you to stop Jacob. I don’t know that if I go back and am only partially healed if I would really be ok with that. I mean should I give up everything knowing there is a chance that I would loose everything? God Jack, I don’t know what to do? What do you think I should do Jack? Please tell me what you think I should do?” Daniel was giving Jack the look that so many times made Jack do whatever Daniel was asking but this time Jack forced himself not to give in. He knew he didn’t have a choice but that didn’t make it any easier.
“Daniel, I would love to be able to tell you what you should do, but I can’t. I’m sorry Danny but this is a choice that you have to make for yourself. I don’t want you to come back to the SGC because of us, you know I want you to come home but you have to want to come home because YOU want to not because of how much WE want you home with us.” Jack sighed he hadn’t imagined ever being here with Daniel again sitting across from him but here he was, and he couldn’t even give Danny what he wanted so much.
“You know you sound like Oma, she wouldn’t give me any answers either.” Daniel replied in that oh so familiar pout that he had mastered when ‘alive’.
“I don’t have the answers Danny. All the answers you seek are within you. You just have to look and you’ll find them.”
“Ok...what are you channelling Oma Jack?” Daniel smiled. He knew that Jack was right. It had been naive of Daniel to believe that Jack would be able to fix this for him. He knew that he had to make the choice for himself. But he supposed it could only help him make his decision if he were to have someone to discuss it with.
“Jack, I know you can’t make the choice for me. I’ve actually made part of the choice already. Part of the reason I might consider staying here was...is all the knowledge I have gained. I have learned so much from Oma Jack. I thought that, that was something that would make me want to stay here, but you know Jack? It really isn’t. I have always loved discovering things. I mean I was...am an archeologist. I loved working things out for myself, I’ve never wanted the answers handed to me on a silver platter...well *chuckle* except maybe the answer to what I am supposed to do now. When I first ascended the sheer volume of knowledge given to me overwhelmed me. Then I found that I was longing to explore, discover something, anything for myself, without knowing right away what the answers were. Then I started thinking about going home. I realized that I would never stay here because of what I have learned or could learn even if it meant that going back home I would forget everything that I learned from my time here with Oma.”
“I’m glad,” Jack grinned feeling a slight weight removed from his shoulders. He knew how much knowledge meant to Daniel and he was a little nervous that everything Oma could offer was so much more than what he could get at home.
“But Jack, I don’t know if I can willing leave here knowing that I could be going home to a life without SG-1. I can’t imagine not being able to go with you guys when you go through the Stargate. I would hate sitting in the SGC worrying about you three every minute you were gone. Always wondering if you were hurt somewhere, if maybe I had been there you wouldn’t be. God Jack...but as much as I don’t know if I could do that, at the same time I can’t help but think that I would be so happy just to be able to be home and see you all everyday when you’re not on missions. So I guess what it comes down to is, when weighing my choices, which weighs more, my desire to be on SG-1 or my desire to just be able to see you three every day possible?” Daniel ran his hands through his hair. He knew what he wanted to do but he was scared.
“Well Danny
boy, what say we sleep on it huh? Things might seem clearer in the morning.”
Jack tried to stifle a yawn. He had been up for almost 24 hours. Granted he
had stayed up much longer than that before but with everything that had happened
between them and Oma and them and Daniel, Jack was exhausted.
“I don’t actually need sleep Jack, but, sure.”
Daniel grinned at Jack as he laid down in the sleeping bag Jack had spread
out for him. Daniel didn’t ask why Jack had an extra sleeping bag...he
didn’t need to.
“Don’t be cheeky,” Jack mumbled as he quickly fell into a deep sleep.
***************************
Jack awoke to a stifled scream. He was dreaming again about Daniel, only this
time he was dreaming about all the times he had hurt Daniel. He was sweating
and felt like someone had a vice like grip on his heart. Jack ran his hands
through his damp hair gazing at the empty tent that surrounded him. Daniel?
Jack tore out of the tent at lightening speed, terrified to find out that
last night had all just been a dream, when he stopped in his tracks as he
gazed at the worried frown on Daniel’s face. Daniel was sitting at the
fire having a pot of coffee and now was looking at the man who scared him
out of his thoughts.
“Jack? Are you alright?” Daniel moved to get up but stopped as Jack motioned for him to stay where he was. Jack walked slowly to the fire still hearing his heart in his ears. He sat beside Daniel as he took a deep breath to calm his frazzled nerves.
“Yeah Danny, I’m ok, just a nightmare.” Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and reached for some coffee.
“Wanna talk about it?” Daniel looked at Jack seeing for the first time just how much Jack had aged since he last saw him. He looked exhausted, worn, and haunted. Please Jack, talk to me.
Jack looked at Daniel remembering his nightmare Daniel, SHUT UP! Is that clear enough for you? He hadn’t really thought about it at the time. Jack just seemed to always take for granted that Daniel would always be around so Jack would be able to fix what he had screwed up. All the times they had fought, Daniel was always there for Jack to apologize to. He hated fighting with Daniel but sometimes Daniel would do or say something that would just piss him off so much that he spoke hurtful words before he could stop himself. Then Daniel had ascended and Jack was left with memories of hurting Daniel, no matter how unintentional, and no longer having Daniel there to apologize to. Not much of a foundation... God it still made Jack sick to his stomach whenever he thought of that conversation. He had made himself believe it was for Daniel’s protection. Granted in a way it was, Harry did have the place bugged, but so many times Jack wished he could just erase that moment in time, wished he could go back and say something, anything that hadn’t hurt Daniel so much. The look in Daniel’s eyes still haunted Jack’s nightmares.
“I’m sorry Danny, sorry for everything,” Jack whispered hoarsely. Daniel looked at Jack totally confused. What was Jack apologizing for? He hadn’t done anything that Daniel knew of.
“What are you talking about Jack?”
“I hurt you so many times Danny. I was such a bastard to you that first mission on Abydos. Then when you joined SG-1 and we became friends, even then so many times, too many times I hurt you. I’ve remembered every time since you ascended. It’s funny, I have so many great memories of you, of us, of SG-1 but ever since you left Danny, the only thing that I seem to remember are the times that I hurt you. Euronda, the whole black ops undercover thing, Reese...” Jack sallowed the lump that had been steadily forming in his throat as he spoke. He didn’t want to break down, show his emotions. It wasn’t what a good solider did, but, dammit he wasn’t about to chance Daniel deciding to stay here and have it be too late to say what he had wanted to say when he sat beside Danny’s bed as he lay there dying, what he wanted to say as he stood facing Daniel with tears in his eyes saying he’d miss them. Jack forced himself not to break down then, not to just grab Daniel and hold on for dear life. It was important now to make up for past mistakes.
Daniel wasn’t sure what he should say. Yes many times Jack had hurt him, said things that felt more painful than if Jack had cut his heart out. But that was a different time now for Daniel. He didn’t want to dwell on past hurts. He wanted his best friend to know just how much their friendship meant to him.
“You know what Jack? Ever since I started thinking about home the only things that I have been able to remember are the good times. Even now as I sit here with you and try to recall those moments you mentioned...Jack, they happened a lifetime ago. I’ve forgiven you for everything you’ve ever said that hurt me. You want to know why I choose to remember the good Jack?...because those are the only moments that are important. The friendship I had, have with you Jack is so important to me. It has, it does mean more to me than you can possible know or understand. I spent so many years being bounced around from foster home to foster home Jack, that I never ever had a best friend. Then I got my degrees and my doctorates and actually for a while thought that my life couldn’t get any better. Then, that lecture...you know what one I mean. Catherine brought me to the SGC and I met you and Ferretti and Kawalsky and I thought, God what am I doing here? Then we went through to Abydos and I met Shau’ri and spent one of the happiest years of my life in her arms. Then fate stepped in. I lost Shau’ri Jack, and it was probably the most painful thing that happened to me since my parents died. But Jack being here all these months I’ve come to realize some things...guess it comes with understanding everything in the universe...” Both Jack and Daniel smiled at Daniel’s attempt to lighten things. “Do you know what I realized Jack? I realized that if Shau’ri hadn’t been taken and made a host that I never would have been on SG-1, never would have become friends with Sam, Teal’c never would have joined SG-1, and Jack....I never would have found the best friend that I have ever had in my life...you. So you see Jack though I would love to have Shau’ri with me, would change in a heartbeat, if I could, what happened to her, I’ve realized I can’t change anything Jack, but more importantly, I’ve realized that everything happens for a reason, everything no matter how hard, there are no accidents Jack and knowing that, believing that, makes all the difference.”
Jack sat there looking at Daniel for a moment, taking in all he had said. And then Jack realized there was nothing left to say, Danny had said it all. So Jack gathered Daniel into a hug and let the tears fall as he whispered “Thank you.” Daniel held Jack and they both wept for all the time wasted in regret. If nothing else, if Daniel didn’t end up going home, at least he would have, for all eternity, this moment shared with his best friend.
********************
Daniel walked through the temple where he had first met Oma DeSala. He thought about everything that had happened in his life up until this moment in time. There were many heartaches in Daniel’s life, but what he told Jack this morning was the truth. Everything does happen for a reason, there are no accidents. Daniel smiled to himself as he began to glow, and float upwards. He had made his decision.
********************
It had been almost 2 weeks since SG-1 had first stepped onto Kheb and though Jack hated admitting it, he knew it was time to go home...with or without Daniel. Daniel had disappeared a few hours ago and Jack assumed it was to speak with Oma. He wasn’t sure what Daniel would decide but whatever it was Jack knew now that he would be able to accept it.
“Okay kids, lets pack everything up. I think it’s about time we head back home, before Hammond sends out the search party.” They all smiled though none of their smiles reached their eyes. They were all worried that they might be returning through the Stargate without Daniel.
Daniel had spoken with Sam and Teal’c individually and explained along the same lines of what he had to Jack to them. So that as they packed up their gear each member of SG-1 (though scared Daniel might indeed decide to stay with Oma) knew that things would be ok now. Each of them knew that they could accept Daniel’s choice and move on in their lives as the outcome of that choice would dictate, whether it was to move on without Daniel or as the trio hoped move on with Daniel once again by their sides.
*******************
“Oma?”
“I’ve been waiting for you Daniel.”
“I’ve made my decision.”
“And what is it that you have decided?”
“I don’t care what the consequences are, I don’t care if I go back to find I’ve only been partially healed. I don’t care if I forget everything that I have learned. I want to go home. I need to go home. I was wrong. My destiny is not out here, my destiny is as it has always been, with SG-1. With Jack, Sam, Teal’c, my friends...my family.”
Oma smiled.
“You have made a very difficult choice Daniel Jackson, but you have made the right one. You will be returned to your family, complete and whole as if nothing had happened. You will remember having ascended, though not the knowledge you have gained while with us, but this I know you will see as a small price to pay to be returned to your rightful place in this universe.”
“You mean, I’ll be ok? I- I can go back to SG-1?” Daniel was stunned. He had resigned himself to no longer being a part of SG-1.
“You will be returned to your friends now. They are getting ready to return through the Stargate. I’m sure you would not want to ‘miss your ride’.”
Daniel laughed at Oma’s
attempt at humour. “Thank you...for everything.”
********************
It had been 8 hours since Daniel left and Jack decided that they needed to start for the gate. He just hoped Daniel would show up before they had to leave. He needed to be able to say goodbye this time...they all did.
As the trio reached the clearing they each noticed the glowing beside the DHD. They approached the DHD to see Daniel appear. No one said anything. They all just looked at each other. Until finally, Daniel spoke, “I hope you weren’t trying to leave without me? You can’t get rid of me that easily you know?” Daniel smiled shyly not knowing what his friends reaction would be.
As one, the trio grabbed Daniel and hugged the breath out of him as they all, Teal’c included, cried from the shear joy they felt at having Daniel with them again...this time for good. Daniel laughed as his wiped away his tears and said “Guys I can’t breath. Come on, I think the General is waiting, and I cannot wait to have Janet stick me full of holes with her needles!” They all laughed knowing that nothing would ever compare to this moment, except maybe...
“Danny...Dial us home!” Jack whispered.
The trio had now become a quartet as was only right. They linked arms and walked through the event horizon as one.
As four sets of feet clanged noisily on the ramp, every set of eyes with confusion and surprise staring, Daniel happily announced, “There’s No Place Like Home!”
~The End~