It Should Have Been Me
written by: FCOL
AwForCryinOutLoud@Yahoo.ca
Summary: Jack gets hurt saving Daniel...and no it isn't because
Daniel did something he shouldn't have ;O)
Catergory: Hurt/Comfort, a little Angst
Pairing: None
Rating: PG-13
Status: complete
Spoilers:None
Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did but alas it is not so. The characters
mentioned are the property of Gekko Film Corp yadda yadda yadda.....
Author's Note: This fic pretty much wrote itself. Was thinking about it before
going to bed, then dreamt about it and wrote it in about 2 hours the next
day. I'd love feedback!! :O)
Daniel rubbed a weary hand through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time in the last hour. He absently stroked his thumb across the bruised knuckles of his best friend laying in the bed before him. It had been almost 6 hours since they had rushed Jack to the infirmary, and here Daniel had sat, not moving even when threatened by Janet. He couldn't leave Jack's side. Too many times it was Daniel in the bed and Jack on the chair. Too many times it had been Jack's voice bringing Daniel back to the land of the living. He refused to allow anything but that to happen for Jack. Daniel was determined to sit here by Jack's side until he saw those deep brown eyes open and until he heard the gruff 'ForCryinOutLoud' that always accompanied Jack back to the land of consciousness.
Daniel sighed to himself as he again
looked at the man in the bed before him. Jack shouldn't
be here, he shouldn't be the one that is lying unconscious struggling to come
back to us. Dammit it should be me! Daniel swallowed the lump
forming in his throat as the days events began replaying in his mind.
********************************
Everything was going beautifully. SG-1 and the natives were getting along. Sam was engrossed in some new technology she was being shown. Teal'c was demonstrating a few Jaffa training techniques to some eager young men. Daniel was as usual happily postulating theories on the history of the new culture before them. Even Jack had found something to occupy his time. A few of the men of the village were going FISHING of all things. Of course Jack could not pass up the opportunity to show off his skills as an angler.
It had all gone bad so quickly that Daniel still was confused as to what set the natives off. As he was reading some of the historical scrolls in the library he raised his head and smiled as he saw a very pleased Jack making his way towards him. Just as Daniel was about to ask Jack if he had caught anything he saw the expression of horror on Jack's face. As he turned to see what was causing this reaction Daniel felt himself being pushed out of harms way. He had bumped his head when Jack pushed him from the path of an oncoming blade, loosing consciousness for a few minutes. When he came to he saw Jack fighting with one of the natives. He was covered in blood but Daniel was not able to tell whose blood it was, Jack's or the native's. Daniel struggled to his feet and reached for his radio to call for Sam and Teal'c. Just as he put the call out for help he heard a sound that still gave him chills. The native, who Daniel could not for the life of him remember his name, had stabbed Jack up under his ribs. Daniel could hear the scream of agony from Jack every time he closed his eyes.
Things were over as quickly as they started. Sam and Teal'c arrived, subduing the native just as Daniel dropped beside Jack's still form. Feeling for a pulse Daniel felt all blood drain from his own body. He couldn't find Jack's pulse, Jack wasn't breathing....Oh God! Jack's dead!
Sam was pushing Daniel away from Jack's body as she began CPR. In a matter of moments he heard her muffled "Ok I got a heartbeat, faint but it's there. He's breathing just barely. We have to get him back to Janet NOW!" Teal'c had carried Jack's body swiftly to the gate as Sam ran ahead to dial home and punch in the IDC. Daniel followed quickly but numbly behind, not wanting to get in the way.
Janet was called immediately as Hammond saw Teal'c carrying the bloody and still form of Colonel Jack O'Neill in his arms. There was a flurry of activity for what felt like days as Janet's team rushed Jack to the OR to save him.
After about 4 hours in the OR Janet
had emerged exhausted. She told the remaining members of SG-1 and the General
that it had been very close. His heart had stopped twice while on the table
but for the moment he was stable. The next 24 hrs were critical and tomorrow
would bring news of if the Colonel would survive.
*****************************
So here Daniel sat, holding Jack's hand, caressing it, not caring what anyone thought. This was his best friend lying here. His best friend that had once again saved his life. Daniel felt a tear escape the corner of his eye and brushed at it angrily. He didn't know how Jack would ever be able to look him in the eye again. He was nothing but a hindrance. Someone that Jack had to babysit, someone that was always putting the team in danger because they were always pulling his ass out of the line of fire.
Daniel took the cool cloth Janet had placed by the bed and wiped the sweat from Jack's brow. He looked like death warmed over. He was too pale, pale from loosing too much blood. The bastard that did this to him had punctured a lung and had grazed Jack's heart with the blade. They were lucky that the graze hadn't been deeper. Daniel shuddered as he realised he could just as easily be sitting beside the body of his best friend saying goodbye instead of impatiently waiting for him to wake up.
Sam walked into the infirmary and glanced at two of her best friends. There was Daniel wiping the Colonel's face and neck while never releasing his grip on the Colonel's hand. Sam knew their friendship was strong but it was at moments like these that she saw just how close these two men were. They were family. She made her way towards the bed that held her CO whispering a 'Hi' to the worried archaeologist beside him. "Hey Daniel. How's he doing?"
"Hi Sam. Still the same." Daniel briefly looked at the worried face of Sam and quickly returned his gaze to Jack. He knew she probably blamed him for Jack being in this bed, just as much as he blamed himself.
"I'll sit with him for a while Daniel, why don't you get a quick shower and something to eat? Maybe get some rest. I promise I'll get you as soon as there is any change." Sam smiled knowing Daniel would probably refuse but she had to try. He looked almost as bad as the Colonel. His eyes were red from tiredness and she knew he hadn't eaten anything since lunch and it was now almost 10pm.
Daniel swallowed. He didn't want to leave Jack's side but he couldn't bear for Sam to start a conversation with him about this. He didn't want to hear the accusation in her voice...the disappointment at him failing them yet again. He brushed his hand over Jack's forehead and whispered "I'll be back soon Jack."
He stood with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Maybe just a quick shower. I'll be back to relieve you soon."
Sam was a little surprised that he had agreed so readily but smiled, glad that he would at least get a little break. She knew how awful Daniel felt. He hated not being able to help Jack. Truth be told he was just as impatient as a certain Colonel when it came to waiting for the other to come around after being injured. She watched as Daniel slowly made his way to the door, his shoulders slumped in what Sam assumed was exhaustion.
Daniel made his way quickly to the locker room. He stripped of his clothes and turned the water on as hot as he could stand. He stood there, forehead leaning against the wall feeling the water begin to burn his skin. It was small punishment for what he'd allowed to happen to Jack. If he had just listened and taken all the self defence classes Jack wanted. If he didn't let himself become so engrossed in reading that he was oblivious to what was around him maybe...just maybe he would have sensed the man behind him and been able to defend himself instead of having Jack come to his rescue. Maybe he wouldn't have won, maybe he would have been the one stabbed but that would have been so much better than the way things turned out. It should have been me!
He quickly dressed and made his way
towards his office, hungry but not in the mood to see anyone in the commissary
that would try to ask him how Jack was. Daniel didn't know if he could surpress
the scream of anger that so wanted to escape his lips. So instead he headed
to his office where there was always coffee and a never ending supply of chocolate.
He just needed a little jolt of caffeine and sugar and then he would make
his way back to the infirmary to take up his silent vigil once again.
*************************
Daniel sat at his desk after gulping down a cup of coffee and inhaling a chocolate covered granola bar. Removing his glasses he rubbed at his weary eyes wishing he could just erase this day. He laid his head on bent arms that massaged his aching neck. Before long the sleep he had been wanting to avoid enveloped him. It was anything but restful.
He slipped back to the planet, back to the library where Jack had been hurt. Only in his distorted nightmare Sam hadn't been able to resuscitate him.... Jack had died in a pool of blood and Daniel looked on helplessly as the pool began to spread reaching his knees, soaking his pants. He tried to get up but he slipped. He was covered in Jack's blood. It was everywhere. All over his clothes, his hands...Jack's blood was on his hands. It was all his fault...Jack was dead because of Daniel.
He cried out to Jack trying to crawl to the side of his best friend but was stopped by a strong hand on his shoulder. Teal'c looked down at him with contempt in his eyes, he turned to see Sam crying over Jack's body. He reached out to her but froze as she turned, glaring at him with a look that sent shivers down his spine. "YOU! You did this! It's YOUR fault he's dead!" She resumed her mourning, hovering over Jack's lifeless body. He could feel himself being yanked upright. He looked into cold eyes as Teal'c's voice reverberated through his chest. "You have killed O'Neill DanielJackson! You are no longer a friend but an enemy, like the gou'ald." Teal'c spat the words out as if he were talking to Apophis himself. Daniel could feel his heart being torn in two. Then a strangled cry slipped from his lips as he watched Jack stand, still covered in blood, lifeless eyes looking at him with hatred. "You killed me Daniel! It's all your fault! You never pay attention, always putting the team in danger. Well thanks to you Daniel look what's happened! I'M DEAD! Dead..dead...dead..dead."
Daniel whispered the words over and over like a mantra dead...dead...dead...Jack was dead. He felt a hand grasp him by the shoulder and he bolted upright pulling free, as he gazed into the face of Teal'c. He scambled, trying to get away and toppled from his chair in the process.
"Are you alright DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked with concern. He reached down offering his hand to Daniel.
Daniel shook his head trying to register where he was, what was happening. As he looked into the concerned face of his friend he realised that it had all been a horrible nightmare. He grasped the pro-offered hand and rose from the floor brushing the dirt from his behind. He reached for his glasses and smiled at Teal'c "I'm fine Teal'c, must have just dozed off for a few minutes." Daniel glanced at the clock noticing that nearly 2 hours had passed. He quickly filled his cup once more and brushed by Teal'c with an "I'm sorry Teal'c I have to get back to the infirmary. I told Sam I'd relieve her." He sped down the hall not waiting to see if Teal'c was following. He quietly chastised himself for falling asleep. He had promised Jack he would be right back. He promised himself he would stay with Jack until he awoke.
Daniel entered the infirmary to see Janet standing at Jack's bedside. His heart did a flip as he thought something happened while he was gone. He ran towards the bed nearly spilling his coffee all over the petite doctor. "What's wrong? Is Jack OK? Did he wake up? Did something happen? You were supposed to call me!" Daniel turned accusing eyes towards Sam.
"Daniel nothing is wrong. He's the same. I would have had someone get you directly if anything had happened." Sam tried not to sound hurt by the accusation. She knew Daniel was just upset, but it was no reason for him to bite off her head. She was just as upset over everything as he was.
"I..I..I'm sorry Sam. I just saw Janet and..and I thought something had happened. I didn't mean to snap at you." He looked thoroughly chastised. He hadn't meant to snap at Sam. His nightmare was sill in the back of his mind. He was terrified that it may yet come true.
Sam stood and took Daniel's arm as she guided him to the bed beside the Colonel. She placed a hand on his head smoothing his hair as one would a child. "I know Daniel. You're just worried, we all are. But you know as well as I do how stubborn the Colonel is. He'll pull through this and will be bugging you to go fishing before you know it." She bent down kissing Daniel softly on the head. "I've got a couple of things to do. I'll be back soon. Did you eat?" Seeing the guilt in his eyes she smiled and added "I'll be back soon...with some food." She squeezed his shoulder as he whispered thickly "Thanks Sam" and made her way out of the infirmary leaving Daniel gazing at the too still form in front of him.
Janet had moved off just as Sam had calmed Daniel down. She had some test results to look at and knew that SG-1 were family. They took care of their own. Sam would sort Daniel out and she would return later to try and coax something other than coffee into his body. Janet viewed the latest test results smiling to herself. Looks like that ol'Irish stubbornness is paying off yet again Colonel. She reached for the phone to inform the General of the Colonel's progress.
Jack could feel warm fingers gently rubbing his hand. His hands ached, his head ached, his chest felt like someone was dancing a jig on it, he didn't think there was a spot on his body that didn't hurt. Maybe his left big toe...wiggling his feet Jack thought to himself...Nope that hurts too. It's official I hurt EVERYWHERE! He slowly became aware of his surroundings. He could here the ever annoying beeping of the heart monitor. No wait..beeping is a good thing. His sluggish mind was drawn back to the gentle strokes across his knuckles. He knew the touch, it was familiar...it was soothing. He knew everything was alright somehow with each soft touch. He could barely make out whispered mutterings and tried with all the strength he had to clear his mind enough to make out the words.
"I'm sorry Jack...so sorry. I almost got you killed..again. I'm nothing but a liability. You'd all be better off if I wasn't on SG-1 anymore. I'm sorry...It should have been me."
Jack's head cleared as he heard the whispering. It was Danny and Jack's heart felt like someone was ripping it out as he listen to the sadness in his best friend's voice. He struggled to open his eyes, he struggled to grasp the fingers that were slowly gliding across his hand. Nothing...his body would not co-operate with him. Daniel was in pain and Jack couldn't help.
Daniel looked up quickly as he heard Jack's monitors begin to beep ominously. He looked at Jack's face seeing pain etched in his features. Daniel quickly reached for the call button, pressing it over and over again. He whispered to Jack trying to calm him down but nothing seemed to be working. He was helpless yet again.
Janet ran for the bed pushing Daniel out of the way as she began checking Jack over. She called to her nurses for a sedative. They needed him calm or he would tear the stitches causing more damage to his already battered body.
Daniel stood out of the way hugging himself in that well known stance that screamed lost little boy. He never took his eyes from Jack. He watched as Janet and her nurses sped around trying to get Jack settled again, trying to calm him so he wouldn't hurt himself even more.
Janet turned to look at the young man before her who looked like someone who just lost his best friend. Well that's pretty close to being accurate. She made her way to Daniel placing a hand on his arm to get his attention.
"He'll be fine now Daniel. I've given him something to calm him. He'll be out for a while. Why don't you try to get some rest?" Daniel shook his head without looking at Janet. "No I'm fine. I just want to be here." Janet patted his arm and nodded moving off to her office to give Daniel some privacy.
Daniel resumed his position by Jack's side again reaching for the bruised hand of his CO. Daniel gazed at the bruises on Jack's knuckles. He didn't remember Jack getting many punches in during the fight, but from the looks of his hands he must have done some damage to the native man. It bothered Daniel that he couldn't remember the man's name. He knew that he had seen him a few times over the week that the team had spent on the planet. It also bothered Daniel that he didn't know the reason for the attack. He entwined his fingers in Jack's as he laid his head on the mattress. He had no intention of sleeping he just wanted to relieve some of the pressure in his aching neck. His body rejected that idea though, as it began relaxing dragging Daniel into a slumber filled with the same nightmarish images.
Daniel cried out for Jack as he watched once more, in slow motion, his attacker sliding the blade into Jack's chest. He was sweating and mumbling for Jack when he jerked awake. He quickly looked around the room for what had awoken him when his blue eyes met brown, concerned eyes staring at him intently. He again felt what woke him, Jack was squeezing his hand. Still a little groggy from Janet's happy juice he only managed a whispered "Danny." Daniel jumped from the chair pressing the call button for Janet as he leaned over his friend. "Jack! You're awake! Don't talk, Janet's coming." Jack went to speak again but was stopped by a cheerful "Well good morning sleepyhead," and a penlight being shone into his eyes. "ForCryinOutLoud Doc!" Jack yelled with all the force of someone with laryngitis. Jack was about to continue his rant when a mournful sound made him stop. Janet moved to reveal a Daniel trying hard to stop the next sob that desperately sought vocalisation. Looking at Janet, Jack asked with his eyes to give him a little privacy with Daniel. Janet nodded pulling the curtain, effectively cutting the two men off from the outside world.
"C'mere Danny" Jack whispered hoarsely. Daniel stayed put. He wasn't looking at Jack, he had his arms wrapped around himself and was obviously biting his bottom lip to stop the onslaught of tears that threatened to come spilling out.
"Please...It hurts to talk any louder than this." At the mention of Jack being in pain Daniel's head shot up. Rushing to his side Daniel looked down at him apologising profusely. "I'm sorry Jack...I..I wasn't thinking. You shouldn't be talking, you should be resting. I'm going to go and let you sleep." As Daniel turned to make his getaway Jack snagged his hand. Curling his fingers around Daniel's, Jack weakly pulled him back. As Daniel turned back to Jack he could no longer hide the tears that tracked down his cheek. Jack tugged again bringing Daniel closer to him. He very carefully raised his other hand drawing Daniel into a warm embraced. At this Daniel could no longer keep his emotions hidden as he began to sob quietly into Jack's shoulder. He held onto Jack for dear life proving to himself that Jack really was here and he was going to be fine. Jack stroked his hair whispering comforting words to his best friend, ignoring the pain in his chest. The pain in his heart was being mended and that was all that mattered.
Daniel finally pulled away and Jack pointed to the chair. Dutifully obeying Daniel sat as he stared at his hand entwined in Jack's. He had never felt such love for anyone, not since Sha're. Before that it was his parents. Jack. Sam. Teal'c. They were his family. He loved each of them dearly, Jack holding a special place in his heart. He was like the big brother he never had, like the father that had been taken from him much too soon. Daniel couldn't imagine what his life would be like without Jack in it.
"You almost died." Daniel whispered. "And it's all my fault...It should have been me." The words barely above a whisper. Jack closed his eyes taking a deep breath.
"Daniel. Look at me. It was NOT your fault. No one blames you. That guy was crazy, I could see it in his eyes. And don't you dare say that it should be you in this bed. Daniel...you are my best friend. I sometimes wonder why you put up with me...ah ah don't interrupt...Do you know what I go through when it's you in this bed? What happened to me today...yesterday...uh...whenever... what happened...is nothing compared to the pain I feel when I have to watch you lying in this bed. Wondering when...if you'll wake up. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it Daniel...that's why I pushed you out of the way. I'd rather die myself than have something happen to you or to Carter or to Teal'c that I could have stopped. Daniel...you are all my family. Something I haven't had since Sara and Charlie...something that I treasure SO much that I would gladly risk my life to keep you safe. I thank whoever is up there everyday for bringing you into my life. You've saved me many times..not only my life but my soul..."
Daniel looked at his best friend seeing the love in his eyes. Knowing that Jack was telling the truth. Daniel wasn't a burden, someone that was always getting the team in trouble, someone that Jack, Sam and Teal'c wanted to get rid of. He brushed the tears that had flowed freely as he smiled at Jack.
"Thank you," he managed to force out thickly.
Jack squeezed his hand again pulling him towards him once more. "And don't you even think of leaving SG-1 Danny. We need you...I need you." Daniel tightened his hug and nodded, smiling through the tears and revelling in the love he knew he would miss if he ever left.
"Take it easy Dannyboy, are you trying to undo all Janet's handy work?" Laughing Daniel pulled away and grinned widely. "I'm going to go tell Sam and Teal'c you're awake."
Daniel happily headed for the door hearing Jack talking to Janet, "So Doc? When can I get sprung from here?" Yes...everything was going to be fine.
~The End~